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Sun shines through my forest of darkness today, lighting deep beyond the canopy, illuminating the ground that I walk upon. My thoughts are elevated and I feel the giddiness of happiness. Living with Borderline Personality Disorder can be a challenge to say the least, but, people forget that our days are not always filled with crazy rants, but there are many days of love, laughter, sharing and caring too. Okay, there may be a smattering of crazy thrown in here and there just for good measure, but, mainly in a positive and fun way. We can be happy, very happy. It’s all too easy only to write about the depressing stuff so dear journal, you need to know that today is not one of those days.
Since my mom died at the end of December, after years of being her full time carer, I am only just starting to learn how to live freely again and to explore this wonderful world we inhabit. It’s interesting isn’t it, how people affect us in our daily lives and influence how we live? It’s easy to feel restrained or restricted by other people which is a bad thing for anyone living with a mental disorder as one can easily start to feel stifled or depressed. Some people make us clip our wings whilst others help us to find them and fly. Emotional freedom is paramount to our healthy well-being. Today I feel emotionally free. So, are my Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms under control while I feel happy and free? I don’t like the word control, I prefer to see my symptoms as freely flowing, undulating, just living and breathing, taking each breath and magical moment as it comes. Today’s happiness shall be cherished and whilst the sun shines I will enjoy the light. Symptoms are not under control, symptoms are just evolving and they adapt with time and circumstance, an evolution of self. So today, dear journal I have evolved into something good, fun and wholesome, tomorrow I may write a new story, who knows, symptoms could evolve again, a revolution with time, space and self, but, for now, I will enjoy basking in the light and feeling the breeze of freedom upon my skin.