Moving to a new school can be incredibly hard on young people, no matter their age. Being the new kid can be cool, but it can also be extremely isolating, and no matter how well a student manages to fit into their new social environment, the experience will be stressful, and this can all impact the mental health of a young person. With that said, it’s not doomed to be all bad, and there are definitely things you, as a parent, can do to make the transition easier for your children.
Empathize
As difficult as a big move might be for you, you should keep in mind that everything feels just a little bit bigger and more intense for kids. Moving during the teenage years can be particularly difficult for a wide variety of reasons. Still, kids tend to feel their emotions more intensely than adults and can struggle to adapt to big life changes.
Young people below the age of 30 experience ongoing growth and changes in the brain, but those under 16 years old often have particularly vivid and unpredictable emotional experiences. This is largely a result of the fact that their brains are growing new synapses more rapidly than people above this age. People under 16 also have not yet gone through the most intensive process of eliminating unused or unhelpful synapses that are deemed unnecessary by the brain’s process of emergent growth. This process of synaptic reduction is called pruning, and while it continues well into adulthood, it occurs most intensely between the ages of 2 and 16. As a result, people under 16 live in a version of reality that is diverse, unpredictable, and often more intense than what ‘well-pruned’ adults would ever experience.
It’s even tougher when they’re towards the upper end of that range. Not only will they be experiencing the peak of their pruning, meaning that their brain (and, as a result, the way they feel, perceive, and experience things) is constantly changing. They’ll also be experiencing the height of puberty and all of the drama and emotional fluctuations that come with it. As a result, puberty is a potentially traumatic period for a child to go through major changes in their environment: moving during puberty is associated with increases in anxiety and ongoing stress.
Pay Attention
If you need to make a move, the most important thing is to maintain close communication with your kids. Research shows that the perception young people have of their support systems is a strong factor when it comes to mitigating mental health problems.
In stressful times like moving, it can also help to enlist the support of your child’s new teachers and counselors, qualified with a degree like a guidance counselor masters online, to see how they’re settling in, communicate any concerns and assist in getting resources tailored to helping them become more comfortable.
If they do begin experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, it’s vitally important to strengthen communication with them and ensure that they feel fully supported, heard, and understood. Never hesitate to seek professional, external, or ongoing help for them. Therapy is likely the best place to start, but many children and young people also find comfort and belonging in community support groups, too. You can typically find these through your child’s school, local churches, and community centers.
Even if you’re not working with a hard-to-communicate-with teenager, or even if your child doesn’t experience depressive or concerning symptoms, it’s still crucial for both your relationship with your kids, and their mental health, to keep communication open and honest at all times. This would be just as true even if you weren’t working through a major life change like moving, and it might have a positive impact on your relationship overall.
Advocate For Them
If your child does show any signs of poor mental health, or is struggling even a little, it’s important that you champion them and act as their advocate wherever you can. In a new reality, they might not feel like they have anyone in their corner — it’s your job to change that. As previously mentioned, find them professional support if that’s what they need. But additionally, advocate for them at school and in their other environments.
It’s important that you don’t just send your child along without any other communication or pre-planning, too. Part of advocating for them is speaking to whoever is running the organization or group; explain to them what your child is struggling with, what support they might need, and any other relevant details. Schools and other organizations can’t always recognize these things on their own, or they might not take them seriously without evidence, so it’s crucial that you are the voice of reason, telling them exactly how things are.
Schools can support children struggling with mental health, or going through intense periods of transition, in many ways. These include buddying new students up with established students for peer support, ensuring they are included in both social and academic events, and encouraging teachers and counselors to check in on them even if they don’t have a ‘clear’ reason to.
Build a New Normal Together
It’s really important that your children maintain some sense of agency in this move. They’re going through a major life change, and ultimately, they might not feel like they have much of a say in their situation and how it’s changing. A great way to give them a bit more of a sense of control is to give them input on how you build your new life together.
It starts with the little things: packing their own things is a great place to start since it helps them feel involved in the process rather than feeling swept up and carried along. Make sure you’re working together to maintain healthy habits, like cleanliness, proper bedtimes, and a healthy diet; these things are all crucial to your health as a family. These habits can also be great places for the kids to have input: make some allowances that give them that sense of agency. This could mean giving them more input on meals or letting them choose how their own living spaces are laid out.
Creating a new life in the community and in the social circles they’ll be involved with might be the most important aspect of creating their ‘new normal’. Getting involved in your local community outreach events, like volunteer opportunities, local fairs and festivals, religious institutions (if you practice), and, perhaps most importantly, extracurricular school activities like sports teams and study clubs can all give your kids new opportunities both in and outside of their school life to meet new friends and feel involved in their new environment.
Take Care of Yourself
One of the most important and often neglected parts of being a parent is to ensure that you make time for yourself. Yes, you’ll need to keep exercising, sleeping, and eating in a healthy manner, but we all know just doing the basics is never enough, and just like your kids, you’re going to need a bit of extra self-care to adjust to your new living situation. Maintaining your own emotional and physical well being is a vital part of ensuring your kids do the same: after all, they’re looking up to you and internalizing the example you set for them every step of the way (even if they’re old enough to think they’re not).
Moving can be really tough for a family. It’s important to be ready for that reality and to not let it catch you. This is the kind of challenge that can really test anyone, and you should go into it expecting to grow both mentally and emotionally. This applies even more so for kids — not only are they more emotionally vulnerable, they also don’t have the same experiences that help you ground your emotions and sense of self. This can all mean that a life change like a big move can affect their mental health more than you might initially realise. Even the happiest and healthiest kids can struggle in these sorts of circumstances. It’s vital to stay close, communicate, pay attention, and remember that, however stressful this might be for you, and however many responsibilities you have that they don’t, things tend to feel far bigger for them than they do for you. So go easy on yourself and them, and most importantly, be there for each other, no matter how hard it gets!